Becoming An Author

Becoming An Author Was A Surprise Closure To The Nutrition World How I Knew It 

I think when you look at the model of a successful nutritional therapist’s career or portfolio of achievements, it is always highlighted that one should become an author and put their stamp onto the world of nutrition, their method or way of knowing. This also tied in quite strongly with my feelings of not being good enough and the thoughts that suddenly becoming an author would alleviate me of all my imposter syndrome and insecurities I have in the industry. Little did I know that it would actually fuel these more and the result of being a published author would not elevate me further in the industry, rather see my evolution from the industry into this Masters and unexpectedly shape a new career path.

I decided I wanted to become an author as I had just left a successful retreat business, largely due to a dispute with my brother who was cofounder which led to a difficult silence in my career. I had to rebrand myself and start all over again and felt I needed to offer something else than a standard nutrition set up, so I set out to become an author and immediately saw the challenges that came with that.

After approaching some publishing houses with the concept of my book, I was very much swiftly turned away, largely because I didn’t have a big enough social media following, or perhaps that is what I tell myself. I also perhaps didn’t try hard with a traditional publishing house due to the fear of what they may think of nutritional therapists and therefore assumed rejection was going to happen. So I embarked on a crowdfunding campaign to get the book funded. It was quite a tumultuous process but it was funded in a year and due to a national lockdown, I had plenty of time to set about writing my book. 

Fast forward to publishing day and it was quite an underwhelming experience. I guess my expectations vs reality were quite far apart for someone who is a new author. You see nothing much happened on the day of publication which led to a very flat emotive response. I expected the book to propel me into a new industry, the LGBTQ+ realm, particularly being the first book on LGBTQ+ nutrition and lifestyle, something which hasn’t even been thought of before. But in reality, I didn’t know anybody in the industry and my voice was relatively quiet. To them, I was just another book on their desk asking for a quote in their magazine. 

I assumed from my past that this would be my grand acceptance into society after not fitting in my whole life, feeling stupid and not good enough since school and often afraid to showcase my talent. Why did I feel like this? What were my assumptions? Was there an element of an assumed safety net finding a topic that has not been done before? These questions are easier to ponder having enrolled on the Transdisciplinary Practice programme and learnt reflective tools from the likes of Barbara Bassot (2020) and Gibbs (1998).

What was also interesting was the detractors of the book, call them trolls if you like, decided to question the integrity of the book, asking why we need a book on LGBTQ+ health, in essence judging the book by its cover. This was the part I was preparing for the whole time writing the book, creating the shield of defence so I resort to old ways of resilience. I was often told to ignore negative comments which was easy to pretend both to myself and others that I did, but my body was keeping the score of this well known situation and acting appropriately as it always has, ignoring the bodily signs of distress and acting with logic rather than emotion. Any positive comments on the book just didn’t land so I now sit with a clouded view on how I perceive the book.

The release came when I realised that perhaps this achievement of writing a book was in fact a part-closure to the industry as I knew it. I was changing direction with my way of working, opting for a retainer model with 1-1 clients which could isolate some others who don’t have the means to afford my services. So initially the book was a low-cost option to help those in need. This immediately elevated my feelings of achievement around the book. However the time from writing the book to publishing it, I had had quite a profound personal and professional evolution and change in circumstances. I no longer was the person who wrote the book in 2020, the book was just a snapshot of me in time. I believe it would be hard to conduct myself in the same way I have done in the last 10 years of being a nutritionist. So perhaps in this essence, the book was closure to the old me and the old way of knowing, with some degree now of surfaced assumptions of the shoes I was in when writing the book compared to how I am now (Mezirow, 1990).

Had I not had the initial rejection from the book, I perhaps would not have discovered the new me or became even more frustrated with the industry and how I work due to a level of inauthenticity and a bigger level of imposter syndrome due to the people I meet expecting someone different and therefore having to over prove my worth in situations.

The lessons from this could be to accept a more fatalist approach in life and live in the moment more. The journey I have carved out for myself may not necessarily be the journey that life has carved out for me. The lessons I have learnt on the way are invaluable and all add to character building. I thought the book would be a critical incident in itself but in fact the lessons from the process in writing and releasing the book formed a much more meaningful critical incident which will now shape my career going forward. The feeling to prove myself remains but as a question than a statement, and with the discipline of noticing as Mason (2002) suggests.

Takeaways

A surprise result from a career achievement which unexpectedly shaped a new career path. A forced reflection based on the initial rejection of a book release and a closure to the old me and old way of knowing. 

Key Themes: Imposter Syndrome, Achievement, Rejection, Closure